real + raw: If I could lighten up a little
Today I wanted to share something I wrote back in 2013 on my blog >> A Devoted Shift <<
At this point in my life I was really desiring more... more out of life. I felt like I was holding myself back, ok no- I was definitely holding myself back. I was afraid of what people would think and I think this is something a lot of us struggle with especially when we have big dreams and are shedding off our old-identities and embracing new ones. Mostly the fear of people rejecting us as we shift and change. We can't stay the same and as we shift, the people in our lives will naturally fall away like old skin and the ones you are meant to grow with will stay along for the ride.
I've been thinking about this a lot especially with my Creative Mentee's I see a lot of their current struggles mirrored in my own, current and past. As I came off our last Creative Call this past Sunday I was reminded of how far I've come and how excited I am to see these lovely ladies let go of the old and courageously walk forward in to a bright, exciting future that is of their own making.
Here is the blog post from April 16, 2013, it was inspired by Lex who is a Van City Blogger who you can visit here. I have highlighted the things that I have now DONE! Which is crazy cool and I hope it inspires you to start somewhere! What would you do if you lightened up a little?
If I could lighten up a little…
I would blog more. I would let go of all the excuses and limitations I put on myself. I would let go of the little voices in the back of my head that tell me it isn’t good enough, or that my grammar and editing skills are far too inferior to push publish. I would finish writing my book.
I would live my life like a musical. Instead of speaking, I would sing to you exactly how I feel and jiggy my way down grocery isles making eye contact with every stranger who passes me. I would spark spontaneous conversation and ask deep and insightful questions with people in coffee shops. I would make friends in random places.
If I could lighten up a little I would be excited about everything, all of the time. I would radiate light in the darkest of moments. I would be fearlessly silly. I would spontaneously do cart wheels in public places and laugh deep in my belly where I end up in fits of tears, every single day. I would make silly faces to myself in the mirror. I would sing and dance in the seat of car when a really good song comes on and smile when people turn to see me at the red light. I would draw with my fingers in the air of imaginary art pieces and whisper sweet soliloquies about how beautiful the world is to anybody who is quiet enough to listen.
If I could lighten up a little I would bound books of my poetry and pick up my camera. I would say silly things to my students in my yoga class to make them smile. I would show them how freeing it is to just let go and be free of static poses, dance with their eyes close, beat the floor like a drum, and move closer to someone they don’t know, hold hands, and feel their energy. I would soul gaze with strangers and ask them their greatest struggle and their greatest love story. I would choreograph a dance to an outrageous 80’s song so that anytime I heard it, in any place, I would break in to a dance and make those around me laugh or smile.
I would paint more and be less cautious of what people would think of my art. I would paint with my toes, with my eyes closed and throw paint like a water balloon. I would stop grinding my teeth at night and sleep in more. I would learn how to moon walk so I could do it in my onesie across the kitchen floor. I would dress in flowy dresses in the middle of winter, bare foot, and string flowers through my hair dreaming of sunshine and making my own reality. I would take risks and try new things more often and let go the idea of failing. I would spontaneously elope in Paris and then do it all again on our 50th wedding anniversary (Landon, you down?) I would travel to Bali to surf and do yoga on the beach for 90 days. I would buy myself flowers and learn how to garden. I would spend more time just laying underneath the Alberta blue skies.
I would go to my hot yoga classes in shorts and a bra on days where I feel bloated and gross and want to hide in my bed. I would be proud of my flesh, instead of poking and prodding the parts of me I feel are imperfect, I would say out loud how beautiful I truly am and honour my divine perfection like I should. I would take more days off and eat more almond milk ice-cream. I would make silly awkward noises out loud or punch the air in moments of frustration instead of acting all calm, zen, and poised. I would do back bends in hospital waiting rooms and kiss everyone I meet on the cheek.
If I could lighten up a little I would practice Reiki more and help heal anyone who would ask me to. I would talk about angels and spirit guides, chakras, divine masters and energy. I would talk about things that I am passionate about without the fear of being projected as weird or different. I would paint galaxies on my skin with body paint and fish tail my hair. I would let my hair air dry and get wildly wavy. I would wear less makeup and avoid mirrors. I would paint my walls a new colour every month and turn off my phone after 7pm. I would practice my guitar more and ask for help more often.
I would sing in Savansana. I would throw caution to the wind and use fear as my compass.