Real + Raw: If I Could Lighten Up A Little Part II
If I could lighten up a little...
I would stop sweating the small stuff and sleep more soundly. I would ease in to the quietest of moments and allow my restlessness to settle in to my bones where it could rest. I would sit in the long grass and take deep breaths, savouring the stillness. Go to sleep early, stop being so damn responsible, and ditch my scheduler every once and awhile.
If I could lighten up a little... I would celebrate the smallest of successes and mentally hug myself more when I 'fail.' I would ask for help, extend the deadline, and stop fretting over analytics and statistics. I would just do what I love and forget everything 'business' because I'm really in the business of connection. Connection doesn't need statistics, it only needs the space to blossom. I would connect eyes with more people, attend more events, and stop thinking everyone has a better story of who I am than the real version of myself. I would honour how truly special I feel.
If I could lighten up a little... I would dedicate more time to writing my book. I would write even during times of sadness, lack of motivation, or stress. I wouldn't shy away from the hardness of my past just because people may not understand, especially my family. I would share because I know I am not alone. I would also stop allowing the past to over-ride my bright and shiney present. "Look forward, not backward." I would allow gratitude to leak out of me like light escaping stain glass and brighten peoples day in anyway I could. I would leave love notes in unexpected places for strangers. I would kiss my friends on both cheeks. I would stop waiting and move on.
If I could lighten up a little... I would let go of the negative voices in my head that haunt me. I would stop believing all the things people have said (or emailed) and embrace my inner-truth and stop questioning if they are right. I would trust myself more. I would love myself more fiercely, protect myself in all the ways we should. I would mother myself in all the ways I was not. I would honour my decisions and stand up when someone is being cruel and unkind. I would also let go of the things I know I can not change. I would let go of my mistakes and push myself to be the person I know I can be. I would be brave more, rise more, and discuss things even more.
If I could lighten up a little... I would smile more, allow joy to spread across my chest lifting everything that weighs me down in to oblivion. I would emulate warmth, be my own sun and allow my light to spread to others. I would never shy away from laughing too hard or to apologize for my happiness and the decisions it took to get there. I would skip town, go back to yoga, hike alone, and return to moon rituals. I would sing more in front of Landon and embrace the fact that singing and strumming isn't easy. Do it anyway. I would allow myself to be late without the guilt trip. I would write love letters by hand and bind my poetry in to a book. I would step in front of the camera more. I would illustrate more. I would share my art with the world a helluva lot more.
I would do everything backwards then rewind it and let it be messy. I would get off Landons case about the chaos of his side of the closet. I would let go of the gut-wrenching fear I have of being a terrible person that doesn't know that she is terrible. (Legit fear) I would tell more people that therapy is the best thing in the world. I would submit my work to blogs. I would take more vacations. I would tap dance my way out of the mall because I hate shopping and go home to shop online instead. I would buy that new lense (Sigma Art 50mm) I've been eyeing instead of putting all of my money to debt, as usual. I will yes- buy another book regardless of how many I have or need or need to catch up on. I would stop trying to plan out my life and live it out more. I would stop worrying that I'm not good enough for Landon, for my family, for his family, for anyone... I would not apologize for my interest in getting to know myself better and how that relates myself to my relationship with god and the world.
If I could lighten up a little I would just S T O P more and embrace the humanness of it all. Embrace the genius of this world and its creations. I would laugh at how simple it is yet how complicated we make it. I would be lost in the beauty unapologetically and let myself appreciate it a heck of a lot more.
If I could lighten up a little... I would take all of these things and and do them.